Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year.

I got a peek yesterday, just a glimmer; a small affirmation, a tiny red tree. I was advised against doing a happy dance just yet, but whatever, I did one anyway. I just wanted to let you know, that if you are reading this and have been one of those beautiful people sending me love, I got it, and it's working.

There is something about the smell of the hospital air that evokes a psychosomatic response of nervous energy and general queasiness. However, yesterday, as we waited for my oncologist to appear on the screen in front of us (joining us via satellite it's Dr....) I felt lighter, trusting, knowing, calm. I had my blood tests and CT scan last week and he was giving me the results.
Ready?
No advancement of the disease. Stable.
Blood counts and levels normal.
Kidneys functioning well.
Liver and Lungs clear.
PH balance great.
Dramatic drop in Tumor Marker going from nearly 400 to 22.

It's working. I'm going to love this cancer away, and I'm going to do it at home surrounded by my beautiful friends and family. There was awhile there when I considered seeking treatment in Mexico, or perhaps Texas but then one morning, stretched out on my kitchen floor, the clarity came. The thing is, I could jump on a plane and fly anywhere in the world chasing a magic pill that may or may not exist but the truth is, if there is going to be a cure, it will come from within my body. I believe that if my body manifested this cancer my body can take it away and I will do whatever I can to support this process.

On this New Years Eve I am filled with a bittersweetness. 2010 has been a whirlwind of emotion and growth. I've watched my son stretch out into this beautiful boy with shiny eyes full of spirit and comedic timing sent from heaven. I've grown closer to Dave, the other half of my heart, my soul's companion. I felt the shadow of fear, I've cried a river of tears and I've been lifted, gifted with love. I could never have imagined the LOVE, the depth or the strength of the friendships. I couldn't begin to measure the energy, the time or the loving efforts of the people I know and the people I don't. The ones who put me first, the ones who took it upon themselves to save me for my family. I could never have imagined the fire that would start in me, the determination or the desire to be exceptional. And so 2010, I'm going to let you go. Thank you for the lessons, for the awareness and the red trees. My arms are wide open and I'm ready for the New Year, with all of it's twists and turns. I'm ready because now I know that “Miracle shall follow miracle, and wonders shall never cease.” Happy New Year, yes indeed it will be.

24 comments:

Shannon said...

Happy New Year Jen !!! May 2011 be good to you and yours. You are exceptional !!!

anniebear said...

Dear Jenn: As I am reading your post..my Heart is so filled with Happiness for you. What Great News to get on New Years Eve!!! <3
I too am feeling better from my breast cancer. And all my surgeries. Got out of Hospital a week before Christmas so I got My Christmas Miracle. You got Your New Years Miracle.
This Cancer can never beat us as long as we remain Strong and Positive all the Way. Once again I am so Happy for you and your Lovely family. I'm crying but they are the Happiest Tears <3
Anne Dial

Jessica said...

YAY Jenn,
How amazing is this!! I will continue to send you every ounce of love possible and I pray that your healing continues!!

Much love,
Jess

Mom said...

Joining you in your happy dance.
Wishing you and your family many blessings in 2011.
Val

Shelley said...

Jenn,
We have never met, I used to work with Julie-Lynn, but I have been following your blog and your story since I heard. JL used to speak of you with such love and I kind of feel like I know you a little bit. You have such a beautiful way of sharing your story and it makes me cry everytime I read a new post. I really do wish you well for a healthy, happy new year filled with love and positive thoughts. God bless.

Amanda said...

Hi Jenn,
You don't know me either, but I have been following your blog and I can't express how happy your news makes me feel. All the best to you and your family:)
Maybe there really is something to this love thing.......

Anonymous said...

Wonderful news.....I love you Jenn....you are a true shining star in our universe of wonder.

Christine B said...

That just made my eyes leak!! I'm a kidney cancer survivor, coming up 10 years now. I know the *happy dance* and I'm dancing along with you. Go Jen!!

May your year be filled with love, happiness and many blessing from above.

God Bless you Jen and your family!!
Christine

Jill Marie said...

What wonderful news!!! Way to go!!!! Love it into submission!!!! Sending love, light, prayers & healing to you!!!! A fan from the other side of the Rockies! You Go Girl!!!! xxxx

Teneille said...

I'm so happy for you, this is great news. Happy New Year to you & your lovely family!

Anonymous said...

What wonderful news for you, and your family ! Wishing you a happy & healthy 2011...See what happens....when you open yourself up to the world ? Feel the LOVE !

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your experience and for inspiring the rest of us. You are an exceptional woman. Happy New Year to you and your family!

lisalou said...

love you

Lisa Cooke said...

Jennifer,

What wonderful Happy New Year news. I am always moved by your powerful writing and uplifted by your strength, belief, and love. You continue to inspire your readers and also provide us with perspective about what's truly important and remind us not to sweat the little stuff.

Best wishes to you, your family, and all your amazing friends.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic news Jenn! Wow! Been following your blog only since October of 2010, a very good friend of mine is also in the ring with cancer (you know her) and your words help me to understand and give me hope.

Thank you so much for sharing. I bet you looked fabulous doing your happy dance! :)

Anonymous said...

Wonderful news Jenn - I have been wondering how you've been - I check your post often. You don't know me, but I'm a fellow breast cancer survivor - Keep that love flowing!

Anonymous said...

Jen you are sooooo incredibly inspiring.I have never met you but am certain that the ripple effect of your blog reaches so much farther than you could ever imagine.
Thanks so much sharing your story with us.....Thinking of you, praying for you and Happy Dancing too!!

PS - It says in the bible that God IS Love and through him anything is possible:)

Lorraine AT course said...

Your writing makes me smile ...makes me humble ..makes me think ...makes me appreciate

Susan said...

This is good news Jen! So here's more love and healthy prayers your way for 2011!!

Sam said...

Many Blessings and Much Love to you and your family in 2011 and beyond. Thank you for your light. Oh, yes Jenn! Thank you. I am so happy to hear this news...

Trudy said...

Dear Jen,

We do not know each other but I have been following your inspirational entries. May God bless you and your family as you enter the new year 2011.
Continue to keep the faith!

Blessings

Anonymous said...

May 2011 be your Best Year Yet. Wishing you peace, love and light. I only know you to say 'Hi' to but I told my Dad your story & he said 'We haven't any money to give but tell Jen she has our prayers.' There are so many wishing you well, Jen, and sending you love. May calm winds be with you. X

Anonymous said...

Hi Jennifer

I have not met you, but am a breast cancer survivor of almost 18years. Your Mom is a friend of mine and she told me about the good news you received for the New Year!! I attended the fundraiser here on PEI, and wish you and your family good health in 2011.

Laura said...

I am so happy for you and your family Jenn! Hang to the love people are sending you and surrunding you with. I believe it will help heal you. You are a beautiful woman with a beautiful, loving family. I truly hope 2011 brings you much joy and happiness with your loved ones. You are always in my thoughts and prayers,
Love Laura